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Seems that tom really gave Julies brother a run for his money as he got them all up at half 5 this morning!! Just after lunch today we collected kyle & bridie as it was bridies birthday on friday….happy birthday brides. We then made our way over to collect tom. Next stop was home to get the kids sorted, let Bridie open her presents and of course blow the candles on the cake. Then it was back to hospital to see what danny had been up to while we were away, he’d been very settled and once the staff changeover was finished we were off again, this time to take the kids to their nan & grandads, my mum an dad’s. Bridie of course was in her element as she was given evan more presents to open, and evan more so when she was asked if she wanted to stay at my sisters, auntie wendy, which needless to say she did. So when we finally got Tom settled, reluctantly I may add, we dropped Bridie off at my sisters then off back to the hospital again.

Monday was Tom’s day for going to Julie’s Aunty, or as Tom calls her Nan Nan Sue.  That boy has talent, I mean he really does, he’s really learnt how to work Sue for what he wants.  He knows that if he doesn’t eat his dinner then rather than see him hungry Sue will let him have some crisps or other sundries but Tom was in for a real shock today.  We told Sue that if he doesn’t eat dinner then he doesn’t get anything else as he’s just junking out.  As stressed out as Sue was she did it bless her and he didn’t eat all day until I got him home.  However, yesterday when he went there again he threw a strop when he asked for crisps and was once again told no, but when lunch time he eat his dinner some mashed spuds and other stuff then later on had some jam on toast which really pleased Sue as his eating really does worry her.  As I said to her before, he’ll never starve himself his just trying to work it.  Nice one Sue.

Throughout all of this there has been very little outlet for both Julie or myself, emotionally you become a timebomb just waiting to explode.  There are occasions where you just find the nearest dark corner curl up and just cry; then there are others where you lash out at others generally the ones you love.  This was the case for my post on saturday, I was wrong to vent my emotions in such a way and to those affected I am sorry, I’m not too proud to say sorry when I am wrong.  What I have not posted in the past is the times that they have been there for us when we have needed help and the times that the kids have stayed over there or the times when they have finished work early to help out and for this I am sorry.

Nothing is ever simple these days; everything was all sorted last night so that the kids were going stay with someone so that I could go and give Julie a break and actually get some time with my son.  The kids were all excited as they really love going there but that wasn’t to be, I got a call around lunch to say that they were going to have to let me down as they decided to go out for a meal instead.  As usual I am left to deal the blow firstly to the kids who were really looking forward to it and secondly to Julie to say that the break that she gets from me spending a night at the hospital just wasn’t going to happen and lastly my disappointment at not getting to spend some time with my son.  Needless to say both the kids an my mood has been less that perfect as our lives seem to revolve around stress and disappointment, not to mention the tremendous pressure that Julie was to be left to handle alone again.  As luck would have it someone must have been watching over us as Julie’s friend who the kids adore has come down from Leeds to see us, as she does regularly, and she is going to have the kids tonight.  So once again someone has come to our rescue in our hour of need, you tend to find in these situations that lots of people will say “if theres anything we can do just say” but the number that actually do help when you ask is a lot smaller.  We have always made a point of not asking people for things such as having our kids overnight or evan in the day as the way we look at it is “you don’t have kids for someone else to look after” but we always believed that folk would understand if we ask it is because we really do need help.  But as you soon learn when the chips are down the hand soon go down and the ones left are the real friends.

The weekend hurtles forward as if the week had never happened and a once again things are organised so that I can get some time at the hospital with little Brussel, aka Daniel.  Overall he’s not had a bad day today although he has been sick twice but overall he’s done really well.  Still feeding ok but they didn’t increase the amount tonight as he had been sick earlier on, the aim is not to push him hard as was previously the case.  Julie managed to get a good nights sleep which has obviously helped ti improve her demeanor and general disposition.

When we got back from the hospital this evening I had a little reminder of how, not difficult but how awkward it is being a “single parent”.  When we got back Tom was absolutely shattered so he went straight to bed and straight to sleep.  When I got back downstairs and realised we’d got no milk, something simple as milk.  This meant breakfast was going to be a problem as they all eat cereal and since all three of the kids are just plain awkward toast just wasn’t going to cut it somehow.  This got me thinking to all of the other things that are difficult when you live alone with kids.  I used to go out on my bike for an hour after Tom was in bed but again can’t be done without a sitter and having one everynight would just be outrageous.  Popping round to visit  friends again you have a “curfew” as you have to be back for the kids bedtime.  In this situation you soon realise the incredible amount of planning that it required just to get through each day, admittedly it is a little easier when your family live nearby but life soon takes an shape that can only be compared to a military operation.  I recently saw a film, One Fine Day,  which really did show the disorganised chaos that ensues if you don’t plan your day this way.  So to all those folks out there whose life requires a precise schedule which needs to be obeyed otherwise things can’t be done then I now understand and you have my respect.

During ward rounds they have basically said once again that things are to continue the same as there is nothing new to report. Danny has been really agitated all day today, not so much crying all the time but been real niggly. While I was there he started to get a bit off so I picked him up and had him cuddled up with me, after a short while he settled and eventually fell asleep. After about an hour he started to get agitated again and I ended up having to put him back to try an settle him. In the end they had to give him paracetamol to settle him at which he just chilled and went off to sleep.

Well the school holidays are here which means Kyle & Bridie are over now for the next 3 weeks.  Tom’s been loving it as he really misses them when they’re not here.

Managed to sort out a new washer which the man at the shop very kindly let me take the washer home there and then rather than waiting 2 days for delivery.  Half way home I realised that theres no way I can get it out on my own and since all the neighbours are at work i’d be driving round for the afternoon with it! When the neighbour arrived him later on I got a lift out, now alls well with the washing again.

Well to just top things off a little, the washer has packed up! Thing is these days its gonna cost the same or more to repair it as to buy a new one…..so much for recycling.