- 10
- Oct
Once again Daniel is very poorly. Overnight he’s not been well and at around 4am he had an apnoea and needed to be tom thumbed back up. I went down to see how he was; by that time he was settled back down so I stayed for a little while before going back to bed. At a little before 7am we got another call to say that they had to reventilate him as he’d had another apnoea but after 5 mins of tom thumb it was taking him too long. So here we are almost 4 weeks since he first got really poorly with his pneumonia and we’re right back there again, still got pneumonia and now ventilated. As each event happens with Daniel I question how much punishment one person can take and the professors words keep echoing around. It gets harder to deal with as time passes by, my only outlet seems to be writing here where the whole world can see which is ironic as I don’t feel I can really talk to anyone. Over the years I grew up believing that blokes are supposed to be tough and just deal with things, being upset and crying was just not the done thing. So you plod through keeping it all behind closed doors, never really saying what you feel, never screaming out like you desperately need to. In the meantime it haunts you like a childhood nightmare, “will he make it through this, how much more can he take?” but still you carry on. But now three months on I find it more difficult to put on a brave face and the cracks are starting to show. It’s becoming harder to keep going, to be the rock. As I look upon his perfect little face it hurts, just knowing its hurting him it hurts. We both just want someone to make him better that’s all, nothing more nothing less.
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