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Daniel has been really unsettled again, he had another apnia this afternoon this time it was because he got upset so basically no reason.  This is a lot more worrying for us now as previously we were able to get a feel for when Danny may stop breathing but now it’s all changed.  Julie asked on of the doctors if his continuing episode could potentially cause any brain damage but they did not know.  Needless to say both of us are starting to feel the strain now of these continuing episode both fearing that one day they may not be able to bring him back.

When we were first told of Danny’s problems back when he was just 20 weeks gone we were extremely confused and lost with all of it.  We then went to see a consultant in Nottingham who said that things are not always as bad as they are portrayed on the Internet; we were asked if we wanted to be put forward for a new treatment that was being pioneered in London which may give Danny a better chance, of course we agreed. When we arrived at the hospital in London we met with the Professor and he told us Danny had a 10% chance of survival and we were given our options.  It was after this meeting that we first discussed, in any real way, the possibility that he may not survive.  At the time I told Julie that I just could not comprehend that he would not survive this was simply something that I wasn’t willing or able to realise as a possibility.  After this we then went for the procedure and the results as we already know, then from here on Danny really  went from strength to strength.  However this last week has really been a wake up call and today Julie said to me that she doesn’t know whether he will get through this, as nothing ever works out for us.  The last year has just been riddled with bad luck, ever since the house got broke into last autumn everything has just gone wrong and it seems that there has just been no let up.  After Danny’s apnia this afternoon Jules has just been so isolated despite my attempts to try and be there for her have been wasted and I am pushed away. I just feel so helpless in all of this; there’s nothing I can do to help Jules and there nothing I can do to help Danny.  It is said that there is an all powerful being which is described in a whole number of ways but the most common is God and if there is then I ask that you give us a break please, give our little boy a chance and help him move forward.

On a side note, last week one of the nurses on the night shift said that she had seen a ghost go into Daniel’s room.  Now of all the rooms that there are (5 in all) it’s a little strange that a ghost should walk into Daniel’s and when Julie heard she firmly believes it was her mum. If indeed it was then please look in again and just give our boy a hand please Maddy because he deserves much better than all of this.

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