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After a 3hr journey from home we finally arrived at kings college hospital around 15:40. We made our way onto the ward where we had met the professor last week; waiting for us was Ben, the co-ordinator and all around nice guy and also the film crew. These are the guys who will be overseeing the whole process for a documentary that is being produced on the CDH (Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia) condition. Following the initial introductions we got straight down to the process of scanning, unlike our last visit the whole process was to be much more draw out as everything had to be run as per the requirements of the film crew (who incidentally were a really great bunch of people). After running through the scans that were required by Ben he then called the professor who arrived after about half an hour to perform a further scan and explain the procedure a little more (for the camera of course). Now while he explains this it finally sunk in for me the risks that were involved in this process. Up until now I knew that it could cause premature birth but it could also cause infections and haemorrhaging to the mother. This was not the best time to be realising the gravity of the situation, in front of a camera and all, but that’s the way it works. Now my fears have grown to include all of this new information. Here I am 3 weeks after we first found out about these problems still trying desperately to get a handle on the situation and now being faced with a film crew. Throughout all of the filming Julie has been such a star, I know how desperately she is torn with both fear and despair for this operation while so hopelessly missing Tomas as it is their first real time apart. After we had finished with the professor we were taken back to the ward where we were to be given a side room with a double bed…..not quite. What we got is a single bed and a reclining chair which I sit in now writing this post. On seeing this, John the cameraman, offered me a spare bed at his house but I couldn’t accept as there is no way I would be leaving Julie or our little brussel. Angie, the very lovely lady in charge of the film crew and questioning, wants us to walk into the room and begin to unpack for the camera all of which goes fine. She then asks if she can pose a few questions for us on film to give a little insight into our hopes, fears and worries. All goes well to begin with, unusually enough, me saying as much as Jules; until Jules mentions that he may not survive then it all becomes too much, she broke down in tears. At this the film crew quietly departed letting us know they would see us in the morning, the nurse/midwives would be round at 7-7:30 and the operation is scheduled for 9am. After everyone had left we were able to finally take a breath and stop for a moment and realise where we were. Now here I am at 12:35am writing this post, my dear sweet Julie has finally dropped off to sleep which she so desperately needs as she had been up since 03:30 in the morning; I am now left pondering what lies ahead. I so very much want to cry as I can only feel despair right now but I know I have to be strong, strong enough for both of us. Do I really dare to hope that everything will work out right, I have to keep telling Jules and myself it will, if not then what chance have I to believe this.

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